Divorce is tough—there’s no sugarcoating that. But the real challenge isn’t just about getting through the legalities or figuring out custody schedules; it’s about what happens after. How do you co-parent without turning your child into emotional collateral damage?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by co-parenting or unsure if you’re doing it “right,” you’re not alone. I’ve been there, too. After years of co-parenting my own child without screwing him up, I’ve learned a few things that might surprise you. These lessons weren’t always easy, but they were essential to ensuring my son felt secure and loved, no matter what.

Let’s dive into what co-parenting looks like when it’s done right—and more importantly, how you can start showing up in a way that benefits your child, not just you.

What Co-Parenting Shouldn’t Look Like

Let’s get one thing straight—your child didn’t ask for your divorce, and they certainly didn’t ask to be a pawn in your ongoing battle with your ex. But here’s the kicker: far too many parents fall into the trap of using their children as emotional bargaining chips—whether it’s bad-mouthing the other parent, playing favorites, or holding time with the child hostage to “get back” at their ex.

Here are some of the most damaging mistakes parents make after a split:

• Using your child to hurt your ex: Maybe it’s subtle, like a snide comment about the other parent, or maybe it’s outright refusal to compromise on the custody schedule. Either way, your child ends up feeling like a pawn in your conflict.

• Letting emotions dictate your decisions: Divorce stirs up a lot of feelings—anger, hurt, betrayal. But when you let those emotions control how you parent, you’re doing more harm than good.

• Failing to communicate respectfully: Sure, it’s tempting to avoid talking to your ex unless absolutely necessary, but avoiding communication leaves your child in the middle, trying to figure things out.

I’ve made this blog post because I know from experience that these mistakes don’t just affect your relationship with your ex—they shape how your child sees themselves, relationships, and conflict. The good news is, you can change that.

Turning the Page: How to Co-Parent Like an Adult

Now that we’ve addressed the mistakes, let’s talk about what healthy co-parenting looks like. It’s not about being best friends with your ex or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about showing up for your child in ways that make them feel safe, loved, and emotionally supported.

1. Put the Child First (Always)
This sounds obvious, but in the heat of divorce, it’s easy to let your emotions cloud your judgment. Before you make any decision, ask yourself, “Is this what’s best for my child, or am I acting out of my own feelings?”

2. Respect Their Relationship with the Other Parent
Your child loves both of you—they shouldn’t have to choose sides. Co-parenting effectively means encouraging your child’s relationship with the other parent, even if you’re still working through your own feelings.

3. Communicate Clearly and Calmly
This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Find a way to communicate that prioritizes the well-being of your child, not your personal grievances. Stick to facts, avoid emotional outbursts, and remember—your child benefits from seeing you both handle conflict like adults.

4. Build Two Peaceful Homes
Here’s something many people don’t realize—two peaceful homes can be better than one chaotic one. It gives your child the chance to experience stability, love, and security in both environments. If you and your ex create calm, loving spaces for your child, they will thrive, no matter where they are.

Shifting Your Mindset: It’s Not About Winning, It’s About Thriving

The biggest shift I had to make in my own co-parenting journey was realizing that this wasn’t about winning, being right, or proving anything to my ex. It’s about giving my child the emotional stability and support he needs to grow up feeling secure and confident.

And here’s where mindset comes in—if you’re focused on bitterness, control, or resentment, it’ll bleed into your parenting decisions. But if you make the conscious decision to prioritize your child’s well-being over your emotions, you’ll start to see real change.

This isn’t just about making life easier today—it’s about raising a child who knows what healthy relationships look like, who sees how conflict can be managed with respect, and who grows up feeling loved by both parents.

How to Start Co-Parenting Like a Grown-Up

At this point, you might be wondering—how do I actually put this into practice? How do I move from chaos to calm in my co-parenting relationship?

That’s exactly why I created my new e-book, "Co-Parent Without Fucking Up Your Child: A Guide to Being an Adult (By Someone Who Didn’t Fuck Up Theirs)." It’s packed with practical strategies, real-life insights, and tools you can start using today to build a healthier co-parenting relationship.

This guide covers everything from stopping the emotional manipulation of using your child as a weapon, to communicating effectively, to managing your emotions in the heat of conflict. Because here’s the truth: your child’s future is shaped by how you handle this moment—and you owe it to them to get it right.

GET THE FULL E-BOOK

If you’re ready to stop the drama, co-parent like an adult, and create a stable, loving environment for your child, get the full 29 page e-book." It’s time to step up and be the parent your child deserves—without all the chaos and confusion.

In this eBook, you’ll find real, unfiltered advice on co-parenting without letting your child get caught in the middle. Covering everything from common pitfalls (like using your child as a bargaining chip) to emotional regulation tips, this guide lays out clear strategies for parents ready to prioritize their kid’s well-being over old relationship drama. You’ll dive into the emotional impact of unresolved childhood wounds, setting healthy boundaries, and how to co-exist peacefully—for your child’s sake. And just a heads up—this isn’t a picture book or light reading for the faint-hearted; it’s a solid 30 pages packed with practical insights, straight talk, and absolutely zero sugar-coating.